The neighborhood group chat is rattled this morning. There are reports that a person or persons have been pooping on the sidewalk outside the convenience store at the end of our street. By “reports,” I mean we’re getting multiple messages about this from a neighbor who for some time has clearly had it out for The Liquor Box.

Who could blame her? The Liquor Box has been the proverbial thorn in the neighborhood’s side for decades. The double parking is a nightmare. So many people stop to run in and grab a six-pack or cigarettes that there are cars backed up constantly on the corner. It’s impossible to make a left turn there. You can’t see anything coming! 

There’s a reasonably sized parking lot directly behind The Liquor Box that is more often than not gated closed. This has always been a mystery. There’ve been rumors over the years of drug-related transactions and even prostitution but nothing on the level of this poop drama. People are heated. Probably because in the most genuinely shocking development of all, The Liquor Box has recently closed its doors.

This time, it seems to be for real. A couple of years ago, someone crashed a car straight into The Liquor Box, and still they managed to reopen despite the crater-sized damage. Before that, rumors swirled that a developer had swooped in and was trying to work out the permits with the city to buy the property and develop it into something not liquor-related. That was an exciting time.

Nothing ever came of it, or from any calamity that befell the corner store. It seemed we were doomed to have to always go the other way down the street to make unencumbered left- and right-hand turns. But as the closure appears this time to be sticking, a new chapter for our neighborhood appears to be beginning. So far, the absence of The Liquor Box is causing as much consternation as its presence.

I haven’t waded into the poop debate, and I don’t think I will. Whether it is human or animal doesn’t interest me. What I do find interesting is the appearance of a large, in-good-condition Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal on top of a garbage can in The Liquor Box’s gated parking lot. This is the Pooh we should be talking about! Where did it come from? Why is it on top of the trash bin? Why is someone throwing away a Pooh in such great shape?

My questions are destined to never be answered. This is the scourge of The Liquor Box, but also its allure I think. With it gone, what will fill the text bubbles of the neighborhood group chat? Can rumors of the local mailmen and mailwomen hating our route and misdelivering mail fill the corner-sized hole? A few in the group chat are talking about going down to the post office to get to the bottom of this mail situation. They may be on to something.